Where have you been?

I haven't blogged for a while. Busy with life. I am down almost 100lbs and I bought a new car. Haven't dated anyone for a while and that is ok. Went to Austin a few weeks ago to see my friend Mandi and we had fun. Not much going on except work and hanging with friends. Fall is soon upon us. My favorite time of year.

Great Beginnings

The new year is here. I finally am back on line. I changed jobs and my computer went back to the old place. I now have a new computer at home and it is awesome. My new job is the greatest. It is a dream job and I have dreamed about it for years. Leaving my old job was pretty traumatic especially when they treated me so terrible.......another blog.
December was a hard month for me in so many ways. I had to learn some lessons and bite my tongue. I had to isolate myself for some reasons and I didn't get to go home to my family for Christmas. My Christmas card from my sweet friend Mandi.....the picture of the whole family really made my Christmas.......plus gifts from my Mom and Dad. I got to be with Bill for the holidays and it was great but I miss the cold snowy Christmas and seeing my cousins and Aunt etc.
I am in love for sure. At first it was scarey because I tend to fall that way pretty fast. This time is different and he is the best. Between us we have 8 cats and one cute little 9 year old girl. We have talked about which ones get to stay in the house......Courtney will stay for sure. I will say that God does know what He is doing and He does answer prayer. I have always dreamed of a child and especially a girl. I wanted a girly girl and thought about her most of my life. Who knew that the man I meet has a daughter and she really likes me.......really wants to "hang" with me and listens to every word I say. The next thing I prayed for is a Christian man that will actually be what he is supposed to be. He has prayed for me, talked to me about God and the business of answering prayers. He is such a role model for his daughter and someone I respect and look up to. He makes me feel safe in so many ways. In my eyes he is perfect......and perfect for me. I have waited all my life for him and everything I have gone through is worth it.......knowing that I may get to spend the rest of my life with him. We have both talked about the future we both know that it includes "us". How beautiful it is. I have never felt so safe and loved by someone. God really gave me the desires of my heart. I had to wait, but it was worth it.
I am rambling but I am so thankful for so many things and many things that I have wanted and needed came within such a short time.........even though I waited for them for years. The missing parts of the puzzle have come together. I feel content and so happy. I haven't talked with many for the last few weeks......I needed to get some things in check. I finally feel good about me, and I am comfortable in my skin. I have never been able to say these things.......never.
So..........I am still here, walking on the right path and it leads to great beginnings.

Finished

I finished my project. My second bathroom was a burnt orange, not by my choice. It is hard to pick out colors sometimes, but I think I did well. I love it. It is a cell phone pic so kind of blurry.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Happy New Year 2008.

The Pack won yesterday. Yahoo.

Looking Back

Christmas went too fast and the New Year is right aroung the corner.......
This past year has been a whirlwind. It all went so fast. They say to never look back and look forward, but I must reflect. There were resolutions at the first of the year and I find myself with the same "wish I could change" feelings at the end of the year. I did accomplish several of the resolutions that I had hoped for. I quit smoking, I've lost over 60 lbs and I have kept my house neat, orderly and organized.
I still have to work on several things and they get me every time. Maybe this is who I am, but I don't like it most of the time.....I am too outspoken. There are times when I say too much to the wrong people or I just feel like it is ok to pour out my heart/feelings....but it seems I always say the wrong things to the wrong people. It is all my fault. I use humor to cope sometimes. I say things and I try to amuse-but is always turns out wrong. There are times when I don't feel worthy of some friendships, I know they will hurt me at some time, so it doesn't matter. There are times when I am just trying to do the right thing, trying to help or trying to tell of something that is exciting to me.....I get all into it, then quickly realize either I've said too much, didn't know it was a sensitive subject or I just said it to say it ....not meaning to do anything. Sometimes the "other" person is too sensitive to a certain subject and how am I supposed to know that. I have asked God to help me so many times, so now I have a plan and I hope it works. I just can't get too close for comfort and I can't give it my all to anyone.
I just got a new job and will start in a few weeks. It is an executive position with a healthcare company. It will be great and it is something I have been wanting for so long. I have a new beau and he is so awesome. My family is great, my bills are paid and I have some adorable cats. I am going to a great new church. I don't need anything else.
Looking back there were some bumps, but I've passed them up. There will be bumps ahead but I will just run over them. I am looking forward to the New Year with a brighter hope and next year I won't be looking back.
Happy New Year to ALL.

The Centerpiece

This is the centerpiece that I made.

The cats love it.

A Long Winters Nap

Evey, Callie, Lilly and Rosey just got done taking apart the center piece I just made. It is easy to put back together......but the thought. If anyone else did it, I would beat them. Evey is the black cat and she is hard to see.....look on your left near the arm of the chair. I love my babies.

Thanks Mom

My Mother left me a comment. You have to read it. Those words just made my day.

Our family has been through a lot of junk and stuff. Things do happen for a reason and God is in control of everything. Although there is heartache and you can cry yourself to sleep over it, joy comes in the morning. That is one of HIS promises. Sometimes you have to go through the junk and the stuff to get to the heart of happiness. You don't understand it while you are going through it, but it does get better. You know you don't want a repeat of the junk and stuff.
I learned to thank HIM for the junk and stuff, and it is not easy. He will restore your life to you many times over. He died for me and it was not pleasant for Him. I am sure it was not pleasant to watch. His Mother's heart was broken. If it were not for the sacrifice He gave, we would not know the His heart of happiness, His forgiveness, His love and so many things that He give us day to day.
Thank you Jesus for what you have done for me. Thank you for the sacrifice of your life to set me free. It makes my junk and stuff really small and I thank you for it. Look what has happened to my life because of it and You.

Mother Christmas

I love to talk about my childhood. It was a healthy and happy childhood. I don't remember ever wanting anything. My Grandfather even would give us quarters and I would save them up and buy something from Nelson's dime store. We now have dollar stores and for a dollar I could buy a ton of stuff at Nelson's. Tea sets, little baby dolls, candy and candy and candy. Nelson's had creeky wooden floors and a smell that is like no other. You could get pop guns, paper airplanes, pick up sticks, big peppermint candy canes and doll clothes.....millions of things to choose from. Across the street and down a block was Ronsholdt's. There you could get Barbies, games, Slim Jims, necklaces, a lucky rabbit's foot and MALTED MILKSHAKES. You could sit at the soda fountain bar, order something and soon the blender would start. Big scoops of ice cream, Horlick's Malted Milk and Milk.....the big silver container and a big glass would be in front of me and all I needed was a spoon and a straw.

I had a swing set, dolls, doll clothes, games, a tractor and a cool bike. I don't remember ever being hungry, spanked, cold or sad. As far as I was concerned....I had it all.

I always wondered how those presents for Christmas got under the tree. I figured my Grandfather had something to do with it and I thought my Mom would let Santa in the front door when we were asleep.....we didn't have a fireplace. Up north in Wisconsin, you only use the front door if there is a party or company is coming over...otherwise, you always use the back door. We even had a "chute" for glass bottle milk delivery....and I knew Santa couldn't fit through there.

In my sister's and my room we had a "register" where the the heat came up from the basement. My bed was near the register and I could feel the heat warming me. There would be a crackle sound then you could tell the heat was coming.

It was Christmas eve and My sister Jayne and I were talking about the presents. We discussed how would they get here and we had no fireplace. I remember we talked for quite a while and tried to stay up. Year after year we would stay awake waiting for Santa......fall asleep, and wake to a tree full of gifts.......but when did they get there, and how....we had NO FIREPLACE. Well, this night we were going to find out!! I felt the sleep try to close my eyes and Jayne was already asleep. I heard a crackle but it wasn't the kind from the register and had nothing to with the heat. I took the cover off the register to look through to the dining room.......sitting on the floor was My Mother. Wrapping gifts for our Christmas. I was shocked to find out at that moment, that SHE was the Santa we were giving credit to all these years. She wrapped each present as if it were being given to royalty, folding each end perfectly and then placing it under the tree. I remember being kind of sad and happy at the same time. There never was a Santa but there was always my Mother.

When you started to read this blog, you probably thought about my economical status as a child. You may have thought we were rich because I never wanted for anything. Actually, my Father left when I was about 5 and I had a brother and sister younger than me. My Mother worked 2 and sometimes 3 jobs to take care of us. I remember that we got a basket of food and toys one Christmas...someone thought we were poor. I remember big packages of orange cheese that you could slice and they made the best grilled cheese sandwiches.....yes, it was government cheese. We lived in my grandparents rent house and they had to help us a lot.

My Mother sacrificed for us and many times she went without so we could have plenty. I don't remember ever not getting what I asked for at Christmas time.........after all, I lived with Mother Christmas.

Mom,

Thanks for everything you did for me and what you continue to do. You are my best friend. Thanks for my great childhood memories and for the best Christmas' a kid could ever ask for. I never got a BB gun though. My favorite present ever was my Chatty Kathy doll....go figure. I love you.

Merry Christmas, Season's Greetings, Happy Holidays and all that Jazz.

Looking back at Christmas....that would be years ago-about 40 of them, I remember:
Nat King Cole, Andy Williams, Perry Como, Frank Sinatra, Charlie Brown, the kid with the BB gun, Frosty, Burl Ives, Rudolph, Elvis and Lawrence Welk. We would watch TV with my grandparents. Watching all the specials on TV, having a grand Christmas Eve dinner, then opening presents under the silver tree with the revolving light. I would give just about anything to re-live some of the Christmas' I had. I remember my first Barbie from Ronsholdt's dime store. I remember Derango's pizza and pepsi, snowy nights and listening to Christmas music all night by AM radio with an ear piece that my Uncle Clarence gave me.
The songs of the season are priceless and beautiful, Silent Night, Oh Holy Night, Frosty the Snowman, Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, I'll be home for Christmas and Silver Bells. I love to sing the songs of Christmas. I love the smells, tastes and sounds of Christmas. It is the best time of the year. Calm and quiet, yes, I love Christmas.
We ruin it every year, we hurry around obsessing on how we look, what will we eat, what should we wear, are our kids happy, I spent too much, did Mom like the bracelet, I ran out of wrapping paper, where is the tape, I need another gift, I gained 10 lbs, where is little Timmy, the mall is closed, the mall is open all night, I don't like my sister, I can't stand Aunt Clare, Uncle Jim has bad breath, are we making that stupid green bean casserole again, we just had turkey for Thanksgiving and the kids broke a window.
I wonder what Jesus thinks.......Do my children love me, are they happy for the gifts I have given them, will they accept me, do they know I am right here, will they share me with someone and can they invite me in their heart. I think sometimes He is sad hearing all the blah we shoot forth. I think some of the songs offend Him. I'll be home for Christmas is my song because every year I want to be home for Christmas but am I letting Christ be home for Christmas.......am I making a home for him??
I don't think you have to think like I do but everyone is concerned about Santa coming but, My Lord and Saviour is coming also. We seem to make it such a big deal......Santa is coming-I love Santa and the "stuff" of Christmas but am I letting people who are hurting know that He is coming and He is much better than Santa. After all Santa lives in the North Pole and it is cold up there.
Merry Christmas.